Patron Saint Of Self Injury
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Something dies when you grow older, but you do the best you can.


One among the fence.

******* Described Eternity

Ernest Hemingway said
There’s nothing to writing, you just sit a typewriter and bleed.
What he didn’t say is it would
Get on your bed sheets at. 3 in the morning
While the house is asleep and you’re carving regrets again.
you shuffle to get the paper towels you forgot in the kitchen
After you already locked the door
(Never lock the door)
I’m sorry (again) mom, 
Dear so, and so It was the last time I promise!
(Until I disappear again)
Living as a ghost who can
Fall in love defeats the purpose
Of death in the first place.
If I opened every vein 
If I just swallowed like 2 more
It would still be your room
I chose to haunt.
Ghosts must have feelings
I’m sure of it,
But maybe I’m not
Completely dead yet 
just on the inside.
It’s (not) okay that I slept
Through sunset yesterday
Now I’m watching the sun rise
While smoke billows from my lips
Escaping through my nostrils too,
That always makes me feel
Like a dragon
I think I told you that but I don’t remember I should probably (not) stop smoking pot 
My short term memory is terrible
But it’s you’refuckingeyes I still remember even when I’m high.
What am I supposed to do now?
Please tell me, I don’t understand.
I thought toasting my brain would
Make you go away,
But that was me who said
Goodbye doesn’t mean forever.
I hope it doesn’t.
Because one of your favorite songs
Told me about eternity,
And that’s a long time.

2 months ago | Permalink

Hi lovelies. Im still trying to get my poetry out there and read by you beautiful people. Right now it would be my only source of Income while I wait 12-18 months for my disability hearing. If you could check out my self published book of poetry and spread the word Id be forever grateful to you. If my words can comfort even one aching soul, than my efforts will not have been in vain. Know that you are not alone in your suffering. I love you all. Stay strong. Always, Alaina.

2 months ago | Permalink

don’t worry about unrequited love
or the things you do to yourself
when you are alone in your room
at 3am and no one is answering
your phone calls.
it doesnt matter that you collapsed
trying to contact him over and over again
or that you miss someone
to the point of bone fracture
in your face because you’ve been
beating your head against a wall
trying to understand why no one
wants to be with you;
you dont even want to be with you.
its in the moments between silences
where you pick yourself up off the
laminate floor that you always wished was
real wood because its prettier
and it creaks the way your heart does
when it’s empty.
keep track of your tears
and water yourself like a garden;
see how many minutes it takes to stop crying
then look in the mirror
for that long and say
"you are enough."
it may not feel like it
but this is progress.
every day you wake up
is another chance to start over.
brush your hair with your fingers
and notice how it feels
when no one is there to do it for you.
fall in love with yourself every day,
even if you still have last night’s make up on;
it may be smeared across your face
but your lips are still worth kissing.

2 months ago | Permalink
Righteous Man

I had a talk with Jesus today,
he thinks you’re an asshole too.
Every sunday should remind you
of what a joke you are.
according to scripture
Satan disguises himelf as
an angel of light.
Tell me how you expect
to get into heaven
when the feathers of your wings
have been ripped out by deceitfulness.
You can bathe in holy water.
but you vomited the body of christ
upon my chest when you fucked me
in the dark of your bedroom
that night you pushed my hands
to your groin
But it doesnt count because
you didnt get off, right?
lie to the congregation,
let them think you’re a righteous man;
but i can see the rotting
sheep skin over
the sharpness of wolves’ teeth.


2 months ago | Permalink

how can you measure time
when god is turning the clock?
what did we do before
to deserve who we are now?

3 months ago | Permalink

hiding behind a pen
mightier than this sword
hidden just in case
things turn to shit again
i keep my teeth sharp
and my tongue sharper
chewing through illusion
swallowing violins
symphony of mourning
losing what i never had
screaming profanity
declaring insanity
you analyze me with your textbook
what’s up doc?
stuffing me
like a pharmaceutical pinata
full of artifical smiles;
oh, but wait the meds are helping!
tell me: how do I get better,
whats up doc?
my head is burning
and you offered me a match
igniting everything around me
running out of this house
and im the one who set it on fire.

4 months ago | Permalink
I Got Called Fat Again

I got called
so i slept
through saturday
and skipped dinner
i tried to look
in the mirror today
but cried

4 months ago | Permalink
The Last Poem I Will Ever Write (And It’s Still About You)

I decided

to stop writing

the night I watched

you kiss her;

poetry couldn’t

save me

and neither can you.

6 months ago | Permalink

I wonder if
you notice me
what you do
and how you look,
like that smirk
that sometimes
makes me want to
punch you
but really,
it’s the cutest thing
I’ve ever seen.

6 months ago | Permalink